Note to myself

img_0544An important note for the future me.



Behind Closed Doors


doorAs I locked up for the night, I remembered today’s  daily prompt, which is the word, ‘unseen’.

Immediately, the phrase, ‘behind closed doors’ came to mind.

Behind the doors of the family home, it’s nice to imagine laughter and joy – to see it as a place of comfort and refuge.  Of course there will be the everyday chaos and bickering but that’s to be expected.  We can be comfortable with the awareness of the unseen, knowing that these things don’t need to be seen.

But then there’s the unseen things behind closed doors, which, if they were seen, could save a soul from a most sad situation.

It reminds me of how I used to hate it when people would say, ‘you make a lovely couple,’ to my ex and me.  If only they could see behind his fun, friendly act and my put-on smile.  If only the unseen could be observed.

I will not be passed over



Eliza Doolittle: I don’t care how you treat me. I don’t mind your swearing at me. I shouldn’t mind a black eye; I’ve had one before this. But I won’t be passed over!

You go, girl!

Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority have been creeping in and out of my mind today as I’ve thought about my blogging, my skills and talents (or lack of) and life.  But I’ve managed to stand up to those negative thoughts and shoo them away.  By the end of this day, I hope to have stamped those feelings out completely and tomorrow they will know that I will not be knocked back by them any more.

I was looking through the photos on the laptop and found some of my recent art.   It’s not completed because those negative thoughts that told me to give up won.  I am good and I’ll tell those nasty voices that tell me I’m not good enough that I will not be passed over!


Do Disrupt

Do disrupt the ‘normal’ routine – have breakfast in bed at night.  To be fair, I do that every night.  That’s my normal routine.  If I were to change the status quo, I wouldn’t have cereal at bedtime.

The book was on my bedside table and I, very naughtily, without thinking, placed my bowl of cereal on it.  Not something I normally do.

Still, it gave me something to snap and post.

Stop Picking on Me

I look in the mirror as my bedtime bath runs and I don’t like what I see, which is the scars from years of picking at my skin.  I recently realised I don’t just physically pick at my skin, but I pick on myself mentally too- always putting myself down and calling myself names.   I don’t do that to anyone else so why do it to that person in the mirror.  Why do I despise her and her face in the way that I do and make her feel so inferior?

The quote following this paragraph describes how I feel about attempting to cover the scars and imperfections with make-up and  clothes.  I don’t find it fun and I don’t tend to bother with it (except for the concealer and powder) because I’m afraid of being exposed as a fraud when it all comes off.

“Beauty is about perception, not about make-up. I think the beginning of all beauty is knowing and liking oneself. You can’t put on make-up, or dress yourself, or do you hair with any sort of fun or joy if you’re doing it from a position of correction.” – Kevyn Aucoin

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